I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
