There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
