Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
