And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
