Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
