Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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