is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
