I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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