when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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