Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
