If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
