So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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