Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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