I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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