I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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