My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
