when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
