im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
