This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
