you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
