So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
