Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she woke up with a sticky ear
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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