Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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