Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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