I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
