It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
