I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
