Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
