New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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