I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
