this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
