Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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