So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
