U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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