Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
