we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
