My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
