All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
