I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
