Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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