I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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