I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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