"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
