I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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