You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
