just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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