I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
