No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
