i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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