Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
