are you still at the devil's house?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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