some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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