Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
