He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone came in the potted fern
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
