watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
