I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
