You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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