just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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