she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
