My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
