He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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