just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
