An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We got so high we made milksteak
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
