no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
