The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
